Temper tantrums are tough—for kids, and for the grown-ups who love them. If you’ve ever found yourself in the middle of a grocery store aisle with a screaming toddler on the floor, you’re in good company. These emotional outbursts are a normal, if frustrating, part of childhood. Tantrums often pop up between the ages of 1 and 3, right when your child’s ability to feel big emotions far outpaces their ability to explain them.

At Strong Start, we work closely with families navigating this stage, and we know it’s not easy. One minute your child is happily stacking blocks, and the next they’re wailing, clinging to your leg, or even banging their head on the floor out of sheer overwhelm. You’re not doing anything wrong—and your child isn’t trying to be difficult. They’re simply working through intense feelings with the tools they have. That’s where we come in: to help you better understand, respond to, and even prevent some of those outbursts.

Quick Answer: How to Handle Temper Tantrums

Tantrums happen when a young child’s emotions overwhelm their ability to cope or communicate. You can handle them calmly by staying grounded yourself, acknowledging what your child is feeling, and guiding them toward more appropriate ways to express those big emotions.

Understanding Temper Tantrums

At their core, temper tantrums are a child’s way of expressing frustration, confusion, or unmet needs—loudly and without much filter. They can look like crying, screaming, throwing toys, or refusing to move. In some cases, you might see behaviors like biting, spitting, or banging their head. These moments can feel intense and even alarming, especially if they seem to come out of nowhere.

But here’s the thing: tantrums aren’t about manipulation or “bad behavior.” They’re often a signal that a child is overwhelmed and doesn’t yet have the tools to say what they need or want. From a developmental standpoint, toddlers are still learning self-regulation. Their brains are wired for impulse first and logic much, much later.

Recognizing tantrums as part of healthy development—not as something to punish or fear—can shift how you approach them. It’s not about controlling your child; it’s about coaching them through difficult emotions until they can do it on their own.

Common Triggers of Tantrums

Tantrums often seem to erupt out of thin air, but there’s usually a deeper reason simmering underneath. Some kids melt down when they’re asked to stop doing something fun. Others unravel when they’re hungry, overtired, or overstimulated by noise, lights, or even just a busy day. Big emotions mixed with unmet basic needs is a recipe for an explosion.

Emotional triggers can be subtle but powerful. Your child might be dealing with feelings of disappointment, frustration, or even fear—emotions they don’t have words for yet. That’s when you might see a clingy toddler refusing to let go of your shirt, or a preschooler who lashes out by spitting or hitting when a toy is taken away.

Understanding the root of the behavior can help you respond with empathy, not just correction. Once you start noticing the patterns—like tantrums right before dinner or after daycare—you’ll be better prepared to meet your child where they are.

Proactive Strategies to Prevent Tantrums

While tantrums can’t be avoided altogether (and that’s okay), there are practical ways to reduce how often they happen and how intense they become. At Strong Start, we often talk about creating a rhythm to the day—because predictability can be a lifeline for young children. A steady routine helps kids feel secure, and when they know what’s coming next, they’re less likely to fall apart over a transition.

Another strategy we love is offering limited, age-appropriate choices. Instead of, “What do you want to wear?” try “Would you like the dinosaur shirt or the striped one?” Giving your child some control in small moments can prevent big power struggles later on.

It also helps to get ahead of basic needs before they snowball into tantrums. Think of it as emotional weatherproofing—keeping your child fed, rested, and not too overstimulated. When that’s not enough, tune in to early signs of distress: maybe your toddler gets extra clingy when they’re about to lose it, or your preschooler goes quiet before erupting. These early cues are your window to step in gently—redirect, connect, or simply sit with them for a moment—before the storm hits.

Effective Responses During a Tantrum

In the thick of a tantrum, your child isn’t trying to push your buttons—they’re drowning in a wave of emotion they can’t yet manage. Your calm presence in that moment matters more than any words you might say. The goal isn’t to shut the tantrum down, but to help your child ride it out safely and feel understood along the way.

First and foremost: keep yourself grounded. If you can stay calm (and we know that’s easier said than done), you’re modeling the very emotional regulation you want your child to learn. Take a deep breath. Lower your voice. Your nervous system helps regulate theirs.

Next, make sure the space is safe. If your child is kicking or banging their head, gently move them to a softer area or place a pillow nearby to protect them. Don’t try to reason right away—they’re not in a space to hear logic yet. But do acknowledge the feeling: “You’re really mad. It’s okay to feel that way.”

Try not to escalate with punishment or big reactions. Tantrums aren’t a battle to win—they’re an opportunity to connect. Even if you’re holding a firm boundary, your child still needs to feel that you’re steady, not scared off by their intensity.

Teaching Emotional Regulation Skills

Once your child is calm (and your heart rate is back to normal), you can circle back and begin to build their emotional toolbox. Tantrums are tough, but they’re also teachable moments if we treat them that way.

Start by helping your child name what they were feeling: “You were frustrated because the block tower fell over.” Labeling emotions builds emotional literacy, and over time, this helps children recognize and talk about their feelings instead of acting them out.

You can also teach simple calming strategies. Practice taking deep belly breaths together, blowing on pretend soup, or counting to five with fingers. Some families create a “calm-down corner” with soft pillows and a few comfort items. For others, a favorite stuffed animal becomes a go-to for a big hug.

Learning to regulate emotions is a skill that takes time—just like learning to tie shoes or ride a bike. You’re not behind, and neither is your child. You’re both learning together.

When to Seek Professional Help

Most tantrums are developmentally appropriate and fade with time, but sometimes they point to something deeper that deserves a closer look. If your child’s tantrums are frequent, intense, or last well beyond the toddler years, it might be time to check in with a professional. Signs to watch for include regular aggression toward others, self-injury like biting or banging their head, or tantrums that disrupt daily life more often than not.

There’s no shame in asking for help. Talking with your pediatrician or a child development specialist can offer clarity—and reassurance that you’re not alone in this experience.

Final Thoughts on How to Deal With Temper Tantrums

There’s no perfect script for parenting through tantrums—but you don’t need one. These moments aren’t signs you’re failing; they’re signs your child is learning. With patience, practice, and a little support, you can guide your child through even their biggest feelings—and teach them that all emotions are welcome, not just the easy ones.

If you’re working through these developmental stages with your child in the Shelton, Trumbull, or Wilton, CT area, feel free to give us a call!  We’re always here to help.